This is the Brutal Pain of Rejection
Whether you’ve been kicked off a project, relegated to another role or department, or dropped from the company altogether…even if it was beyond your control, rejection blows.
Sure, it wasn’t your fault.
You couldn’t have done anything about it… maybe.
But still, a piece of you nags… “You should have seen it coming.”
If you know this pain, you are not alone.
And it’s not something you can get over in five minutes.
Or a week. Or even a year.
I’ve worked with a lot of movers and shakers over the years, and events like this can stop them from getting back in the saddle. They can wander around hopeless and lost for months, licking their wounds after such a blow. Their talent, hidden from the world, behind a shield of anxiety, distracted by the constant questioning—“Should I, shouldn’t I….”
But You Can Do Something to Stop It from EVER Happening Again
The good news is that it doesn’t need to be this painful. And your career doesn’t need to be stifled by not wanting to go through this again.
In fact, there is something (tangible) you can do to make sure you’re NEVER in this position again.
It’s All About the Vibe, Baby!
You see, most people make the mistake of thinking that it’s about events, and their actions: what they did or didn’t do.
Now sure, on some level that’s partly accurate.
But it actually goes much deeper than that.
And this is good, because if you can fix it at the root-cause you don’t have to be constantly monitoring and valuating your performance … which quite frankly will drive you nuts!
The root of the “rejection drama” is all about your vibe. And your vibe is all about what you think and feel about yourself.
In other words—your self-esteem.
The higher your self esteem, the higher your perceived value.
You become more sure of yourself, and are perceived to make more of a contribution. Your ideas are listened to, and given more weight, and people like and gravitate towards you.
The higher your self-esteem, the more competent you appear, and the more they will want you on their team.
The lower your self-esteem, then the opposite happens. The more awkward and self-conscious you’ll feel, the more you’ll question yourself and hang back … and consequently the more people will perceive you to be someone they don’t really want to have on their team.
Note that this, like so many other things, has nothing to do with what you ACTUALLY contribute, or how hard you actually work. So let’s just take that off the table.
Note also that this is not about bravado, talking loudly, being arrogant or trying to get noticed.
This is about real, quiet, inner-knowing that you know yourself, and that you’re a valuable person.
So, how do you go about creating very real and authentic self-esteem?
Here’s How to Create Self-Esteem of Steel
We’re going to work on your self-esteem in a particular area of your life.
1. Decide what it is you want to work on. If you’re worried about your job, then pick that. If you’re shooting for a particular promotion, work on that. If you want to be selected for a particular team, or transfer, then keep that as your focus. If you just want people to pay attention to you at meetings, then that’s the thing you should work on first.
2. Whatever it is you want to create, find a way of summing it up in a few words. Then take out a piece of paper, and write those words in the center, and draw a bubble around them. This is going to be the heart of your Self-Esteem Map … Or your “Because I’m Worth It Map” as I like to call it.
3. Now, you’re going to find all the reasons why you deserve to have what you envision for yourself.
4. And we’re shooting for 200 reasons. Why 200? Because something happens between about 150 and 200 reasons, and you’ll start to feel completely different. Your vibe changes. You switch from being a victim, or someone living at effect (“they did this to me” inner-speak) to someone living at cause (“I create the circumstances of my life.”) At effect you’re being driven around. At cause, you’re in the driving seat. And this means you can choose how your life develops, and the vibe you give off is of someone worthwhile, and someone they need to keep on the team.
5. In other words, you turn on your inner mojo, to avoid ever being kicked to the curb again.
There’s No Free Lunch (When It Comes to Being A Worthwhile Person)
So there we have it.
It’s not magic.
Skim reading this article won’t make it work. You won’t suddenly be galvanized.
You have to actually DO the exercise.
Because then you lay in the neural pathways, which will continue to fire (from that point forward) in a more productive and beneficial way.
You will feel more confident.
You will be more grounded.
People will take you more seriously. You will be able to say what you want, and what you mean, and people will take your opinions on board.
If you’re sick of struggling for respect, or competing tooth and nail in your current work environment for a shed of approval or a simple “good job!”, then getting this exercise done will CHANGE. YOUR. WORLD.
All kinds of amazing things have happened to folks just like you, when they have taken the time to get this work done. I’ve seen people go from general dogs body to office manager to partner in a firm, just using this exercise.
You just need to do the work.
The decision is yours.